Week 4 Reax

Holy Contributing To The Delinquency of Minors...Look who climbed out of the depths of fantasy irrelevance to conjure up a rainstorm during the fucking parade. Jew Brees has officially anointed himself as most unpredictable, putting up a record 120 offensive points (132 total) one week after setting the record for least amount of points scored in a week (58). Is this the beginning of a turnaround, or is Jew Brees destined to live out his season as the feast-famine candidate? Only time will tell.

Roddy White exploded with a monster day (169, 2 TDs) as Atlanta charged 99 yards in less than one minute to steal the win against inept Carolina. The Panthers made so many bonehead mistakes in the final minute, it's like a "who's who" list of late game football errors including:

• Fumbling on what would have been a game-ending first down (Carolina recovered)
• Punting on 4th and 1 in ATL territory when a first down would seal the game (1 minute left)
• Stacking the box on the Falcon's subsequent 1st offensive play, instead of playing prevent D and dropping into coverage
• Defensive pass interference on Julio Jones for a large gain
• Allowing uncontested consecutive passes to the sidelines to close out the game and grant ATL field goal positioning for the game winning kick as time expired

Considering the play of their starters in preseason, as well as the pickup of Mario Williams, it is still hard to comprehend why this Buffalo D is as awful as it is...unless of course you consider the fact that they are Buffalo, one of those teams that just can't quite shake the shit stink off themselves regardless of what they do. The matchup with the Patriots turned into a blowout fairly early, with Ridley having a big day through a specific game plan designed to exploit the Bills nickel package. This helps to explain why Ridley was such a win last week, but likely can't be counted upon to dominate week to week even though one could argue the Pats don't utilize him as much as they probably should.

In the Chiefs-Chargers game, KC followed the Buffalo-stank blueprint (albeit in their own trademark fashion) and did virtually everything they could to give the game away via 3 INTS and 3 fumbles, including 2 very early ones by Jamaal Charles. Make no mistake- this quickly became a character game for Charles, and he stepped up with a nasty 34 yard TD where he reversed the play (got a block from Cassel?!) and took it to the house harder than this dude did the security guards in an urban sprint. He ended up delivering 19 points after logging negative stats early with his turnovers. All this leads toward saying this dude is the real deal and could end up as the next great Chiefs back as long as he doesn't get taken out again.

In other news, the first debate of the 2012 Presidential campaign aired, and Unseen is really uncertain as to why the media tried to build this up to be the next Kennedy-Nixon face-off (evidence here). Nearly every article covering the debate (pre/post) gave the obligated nod to the first televised debate ever, but was this due more to unrealistic attempts to make a character comparisons between participants, or an indication of overwhelming lack of substance when it comes to critically evaluating presidential debates? There truly is a severe shortage of parallels between the 1960 and 2012 races. In the aforementioned Atlantic article, the author suggests you evaluate winners and losers in the debate by putting your T.V. on mute as you watch. If this isn't a straight forward concession that the comments of the participants largely don't matter, D99 is no longer sure what else would be. And this author is supposed to be a political pundit?

The real memorable moment of the debate was the admission that Romney would pursue cutting federal funding for moderator Lehrer's job and attempt to kill Big Bird if elected president. The internet has already taken over. A bit more attention to the implications behind this comment reveal his proposed cuts won't kill Sesame Street, which survives largely on corporate funding. What he will kill is money (.00012% of the federal budget) used to support the smaller, more rural-based public broadcast stations which air PBS shows on television and NPR on the radio- schedules composed largely of education-based programing. But no matter- all you need to walk away from the debate thinking about is who literally looked the best. Even dictionary.com is emphasizing body-language observation during the debates...as if advising people to suspend critical thinking wasn't reinforced in society enough already.

In fantasy updates around the league, Butt Munchers enjoyed the benefit of another sorry ass showing by winning a blowout over muddogs. Stealers took a loss from sucka, having an incomplete roster which happened to be even more terrible than his opponent's. DESTROY JEW BREES continued a win streak over underdogs, and Larry Turner lost (again) to Nemisis. Heading into bye week #2, the league absentees still have unfilled lineups and are doing their best 2012 women's olympic badminton impressions. Rest of the year projections hold Stealers to finish 1st with a record of 11-3 (aka 10-0 the rest of the way). Stranger things have happened.

Unseen is set to lineup against Muddogs, who will be without the statistical services of Megatron and Tony Romo. Muddogs is so sad D99 is going to instead spend his time heaping some hate upon DESTROY JEW BREES, who must feel pretty good right about now as he holds a parking space for D99's throne.

You've got one last week of cakewalk before matching up against the real in weeks 6, 8, 9, and 10, a stretch which includes Nemisis, Butt Munchers, Unseen, and Stealers. 330 points against so far is pathetic. Minor league shit. Your 4-0 is fucking popcorn muscles bitch. Strength of schedule is the only thing keeping hope afloat for you right now, and though you might take one from Larry Turner, you're plain silly if you think you will win on the back of busted ass Frank Gore. That injury is coming soon boy: check the record.

D99 is going to get his.

Until next week.