Week 3 Reax

The motherfucking show continues. Ain't no monkeys stoppin no slaughter. The roach is never dead.

D99 is climbing up through the rankings and ducking obstacles like Mario in Donkey Kong. Week 3 is through and shit is starting to settle out. After two straight weeks of havok and the largest blowouts, the standings are correcting themselves. All is well with the cosmos. Well, not for everyone. It is clearly time for Larry Turner and Jew Brees to shake things up. 0-3 is pushing the red button on making moves. The bye weeks have begun (Colts, Steelers), so the flakers and perpetrators are about to be exposed.

After the atrocity that was MNF (seriously, 8 sacks for Seattle?!), these scabs replacement refs are due to be walking out the door. It is funny to consider how the union busting American agenda is about to get its ass handed to it by a bunch of referees. While manufacturers and laborers are getting fucked over left and right (that is, if their jobs haven't already been outsourced) and teachers (and their unions) are getting blamed for all of society's ills, the guys in stripes in charge of our Sunday spectacle are about to win a serious pissing contest against the man through use of collective action. The NFL is such a huge business you'd think they would consider taking care of the people that run the show in the first place. Everybody is eatin. Why you trying to fuck things up?

On the fantasy front, take a look at the top tight ends three weeks in:

Vernon Davis
Tony Gonzalez
Heath Miller
Martellus Bennett
Jimmy Graham
Kyle Rudolph
Dennis Pitta
Rob Gronkowski
Brent Celek
Scott Chandler

Right on the heels of the god damned year of the tight end. Guess how many of these guys are on FA? After blowing 2nd round picks on the glorified blockers, it's time for everyone to come back down to Earth. This ultimately is and has been a position you count on for your bonus points. Your TEs will never carry you to glory; it is a position of comparative value. No doubt, having a 2011 Gronk or Graham is a big boost, but you can't draft expecting that production even if we are in the midst of a so-called tight end revolution. You knuckleheads need to realize Unseen keeps his ear to the ground. There are two huge historical factors counteracting what was seen last year (as elaborated upon by Bill Barnwell in mid August):

1. Defenses are due to adjust schemes as teams copycat the TE-heavy offense
2. Even the greatest tight ends had a short shelf life relative to their wide receiver peers, with exceptions like once-in-a-generation talents like Gonzalez and Antonio Gates

But, those extra TDs do help out from time to time though.

Speaking of tight ends, most argued a Hernandez injury would bolster Gronk's value, but Unseen doesn't feel that noise. The Pats O still isn't clicking (but it ain't bad either), most likely due to the change over in the offensive line. Receptions and targets are still up for grabs here, and don't forget they've got the easiest schedule in the NFL. This team still has Juggernaut Status written all over it- only a matter of time until they get there, just like its only a matter of time until Lloyd starts hauling in scores in bunches.

While the Buffalo D still hasn't come to fruition, that O-line is like plug-n-play with their rbs. Fred Jackson is returning, complicating a mix that was paying big dividends for Butt Munchers. Whether Jackson is a viable option for Jew Brees this week is solely up to him, but his rbs are looking thin otherwise. With Bradshaw back and some favorable matchups for his dynamite receivers, Muddogs is ripe for a W over Butt Munchers, who has stooped so low as to employ Cards backup Ryan Williams (everyone's sleeper pick in 2010) after the annual and inevitable Beanie "I eat shit" Wells injury occurred (hell you thinking?). Munchers is prepping for the move back down the standings where he belongs. DESTROY JEW BREES is also looking vulnerable for the first time this season with Wayne on the bench (great value pick), but he's got some favorable draws for his other shit WRs with Manningham at the Revis-less Jets and Santana Moss at Tampa Bay. And oh yea, he's playing absentee owner underdogs who currently has two starters on bye this week. It's gonna be a creampie special there.

In other absentee news Sucka is still sticking with Roy Helu as his rb2 even after he was declared basically out for the season. It may not matter much though. Stealers is playing Mike Wallace despite being on bye...what the fuck is the world coming to? We got kids starvin in Africa, global warming fucking shit up, oil and chemical dispersants still comin out the ass in the Gulf, and fools making 8 fantasy football teams just so they can not bother to pay any fucking attention to them. Yal though I was joking about all that too...

From what nether region of the intarwebs do these dudes come from? Who the fuck birthed these digital mongoloids into existence? Out of what crevice between beastiality and tonka trucks has this foul anonymous turd sprang? Unseen is beginning to believe Sucka meant to do a bunch of mock drafts but accidentally ended up doing the real thing 8 times because he was too stupid to figure the shit out.

Jew Brees is next up on the slaughter buffet special AKA the red carpet to championship walkway AKA pleasure cruise to fantasy gold leisurely stroll, and D99 is looking forward to feasting on the matzah ball soup that is his hodgepodge patchwork fantasy team of has-beens and never-will-be's. Seeing as how he is currently 0-3, other more pressing matters have been occupying Unseen's attention, such as trimming the hedges, learning how to do shadow puppets, mastering the rock/paper/scissors technique, and monitoring the socio-political climate in the Middle East. In no particular order, pop snot. Do yourself a favor and save yourself the suspense by benching your lineup before Sunday. It's not going to matter anyway.

Until next week.