Week 5 Reax

Fuck the luck shit, strictly aim. Haters need to recognize this is domination by design- realize that you won't be fucking with this. Weak ass, merked ass dudes comin back around saying shit about the prose like the ownage is gonna stop. Is you crazy?

Dudes like Sucka remind Unseen of kids-who-got-picked-last-at-sports-in-the-park type shit. Like they're in the game, but just barely. They might think they are on something serious, but they're really more like the helplessly uncoordinated, un-athletic chubby kid who-eats-too-many-oreos and his mom forced the other kids to include him in the game type shit. You dudes are tribute to the GOD. Yal are such bitches, Dave Matthews sweet talks you out of your panties while you're home alone. Watching The Notebook makes you wet. You bitches keep chocolate in your man-purse to help cope with your cycle.

On the league tip, week 5 is done and finished and a situational logjam has manifested over 3rd position. As the bye week series continues, Butt Munchers and Larry meet in a shitshow special after both were crushed in their last matchups by Underdogs and DESTROY JEW BREES, respectively. Butt Muncher's marquee players have serious matchups issues with Brady at Seattle (kryptonite for opposing teams), Nelson at Houston (solid pass D), and Torrey Smith against Dallas coming off the bye. With Jimmy Graham out on bye week, Larry Turner may indeed be celebrating his coveted 1st win come Monday night. Rounding things out, D99 grabbed a W over Muddogs while Nemisis took a loss, and Jew Brees continued to climb out of his hole for the second week in a row with a win against Stealers Rule. Unseen has drawn underdogs after lifting his average weekly point total to 104 while simultaneously facing the 3rd most fantasy points against over this beginning 5 week stretch. A quick glance at the record book reveals some (slightly) advanced statistics related to progress so far: D99's weekly rushing output average is tops in the league, as is his receiving yards average and seasonal total, despite not drafting ANY receiver in the first 3 rounds. Fuck records, fuck your nursery rhymes; Unseen is crafting jewels from the shit you overlooked like a motherfucking wizard performing alchemy.

Butt Muncher's collection of rb's can't stand up to the Revolution

The Unseen flow is about to enter the prime, and all praise is due to the value-based drafting manifesto and strength of schedule analysis. He hasn't even been entertaining these whack-ass trade offers comin his way like peasants begging for food in the fields. On some DMX stop bein' greedy type shit. Yal ain't eatin like this. Butt Munchers offered up his whole team trying to get a taste of Jamaal Charles because his crew of flunkies assigned the running back position just ain't cutting it. Nemisis is experiencing the same crisis and he turned to Unseen for help hoping for a diagnosis, but all he ended up coming away with was a busted ass Rashard Mendenhall plucked from the waiver wire. D99 has been fielding so many trade requests he acquired a series of underlings to draft creative memo denial responses while he worked on the solution to solve the world's energy crisis. This shit is just too crazy to be fabricated.

One thing which is still left to be explained is just why the NFL celebrates breast cancer awareness month, out of all the possible humanitarian issues and causes they could take up. D99 thinks it happens to be a strategic excuse for these grown ass men to wear pink, in some sort of effort to draw away from the hyper masculinity of the sport itself. Like it's alright for men to wear pink, especially football players- it humanizes and sensitizes the individuals on the field to cater toward the females among a typically male dominated audience. What a fucking joke. Apply the situation to real life: those dudes that go out in pink polos are always unquestionably bitches, and it doesn't matter what they look like. This shit is entirely twisted backwards- like reclaiming pink and wearing the shit (which, technically, doesn't really have too many appropriate matches) is some sort of bold ass statement about your manhood. Here's a bold ass statement about your manhood: stop letting females determine your color palate. If the color of your shirt best matches a woman's nail polish, you should kill that shit right away, bag it up, and bring it to your nearest Salvation Army.

D99 could talk some shit on underdogs, but the digital vacant space ain't worth the time spent to craft this sentence. And really, neither is trolling on this bullshit (what the fuck is this?). Bill Bellamy what have you done lately? Man, they killed MTV Beach House in '93. What fucking cave hole in Fraggle Rock have you been hiding out in? You should have stayed there brah. Don't nobody want your lame ass jokes, let alone your mug staring them in the face when they log onto their fantasy leagues. It's not even humorous enough to draw a condescending Joe Biden laugh. On the other hand, these limp wristed league busters talkin shit just might be. Realize.

Until next week.