Catching Up Reax (Weeks 9-11)

It's time to catch up on some action from the past few weeks, after D99 got caught up chillin with a homeboy lieutenant who came through town. Weeks 9, 10, and 11 are concluded, and the hike to the top of Everest has just reached high altitude base camp. After a close victory over DESTROY JEW BREES and a set back in week 10, Unseen's crew stand poised like expert sherpas ready to guide D99 to the summit. So take your equipment back to the store, Unseen don't wanna hear that weak shit no more.

In regard to the week 9 win,  D99 was pushed to the limit on the Eagles v. Saints Monday Night Football game, all the way down to the last minute. In retrospect, the turning point in the matchup literally hinged upon three plays in the 1st half:

• With Pierre Thomas in DESTROY's lineup, 1st-10 on the Eagles' 10, Brees handed off to Thomas who took it 9 yards and was poised to break the plane for 6 on some nail-in-the-coffin type shit until the Eagles David Sims literally pulled him backward and down at the 1 as Unseen yelled "stop that boy!" at the TV.

Oh so close...

• On the very next play, the Saints ran play action and Brees connected with Colston (who used the referee to find separation from Asomugha) for the 1 yd score. -6 for DESTROY JEW BREES. +6 for D99.
• Lastly, after a beautiful completion dropped into Colston (covered tightly again by Asomugha) to bring N.O. to the Phi 17, Brees fumbled during a sack by the Eagles Brandon Graham, resulting in -2 for DESTROY and giving enough padding to maintain the lead for the win.

All in all, it was a well scripted victory, adding a bit of sting to the bite inflicted upon the then 1st place team, putting the motherfucker in check and clearing the way for D99 to step on up. Why you fools wanna battle with kids with steel tongues? Butt Munchers appears to be hell bent on throwing banana peels in the street trying to slip up the King cruisin on his chopper. No matter. This salad tossin hoe is only prolonging the inevitable- Unseen remains steady crafting bars like jewels to bring to the market and strike it rich with the hardware.

Meanwhile, league standings have been mixing and shuffling and 7 teams remain in the hunt for playoff positions. Jew Brees is back in this bitch- after being matched up for the 2nd time with his arch-rival, he avenged his earlier loss and pressed him flatter than a piece of matzo. Amazingly, autoplay muddogs sits above .500 after stealing a win from Nemisis, a 7-4 squad tied up with DESTROY JEW BREES. D99 got another chance to sucker-punch suckadickasaurus, who actually bothered to update his lineup but still lost by a measly 3 points. The field is now more crowded than clowns in a volkswagen.

It's time to spit some truth to yal space monkeys now that the trade deadline has passed. For three solid weeks, Unseen put up Adrian Peterson and Dwayne Bowe for DESTROY JEW BREES' Peyton Manning and Brandon Marshall. This trade would have resulted in an positive +28 points for DESTROY compared with the +4 points for D99, and DESTROY still didn't have the sense to realize that having Manning on his bench while he is rolling with rbs like Pierre Thomas and Felix Jones (limited shelf life there homie) will not help his cause. What is perhaps most interesting about this situation is the fact that dude didn't even have the balls to respond to the offer. Denying a trade is one thing. Acting like you don't see it altogether is quite another. Look, we know Unseen is on some alpha dog running-the-pack type shit, but where is your manhood yo?

Who snatched that shit?

To begin, the pickup of Peterson alone makes it worth it- especially given the fact that he is on pace for his best season ever.  Secondly, given the shape of your team, you cannot (actually, fuck that- WILL NOT) win a league by denying other teams points through keeping players on your bench. Look, you're simply not in a position to make a call like that given your lack of talent at the most important position in fantasy. AP has the ability to carry your output for BOTH slots on a weekly basis. But you didn't even think about this. If nothing else -really- this was your opportunity to stick it to D99 with a stamp of "denied" and a chance to lay some vicious words into the cut. Instead, let it be known to the world:
 

You did nothing.

Unseen faces off against Stealers Rule this week and stands a good chance to lay a few head shots on the competition and solidify his playoff position- he's already kicking back and enjoying some victory L's and brews. Jew Brees has a tough matchup with Butt Munchers, who has some favorable plays with Doug Martin (ATL at home), C.J. Spiller (at Indy), and Brady at a Revis-less Jets. Sucka pairs against a surging Larry Turner, who looks to be in good shape as long as he plays Dez Bryant over a benched Titus Young, and inserts Minnesota's D off the bye (against a weak Chicago offense) for the Giants D against Green Bay. Nemisis1 might as well be on the bye this week, as he faces empty shell under dogs (autowin kthx), and DESTROY JEW BREES takes on a Gronkowski-less muddogs...both are sure to enjoy their Thanksgiving feasts. Get it while you can.

Until next week bitches.

Week 8 Reax

Battle axe rap. Ain't been like none of these bitches, as far as Unseen can remember. Week 8 finished and another matchup where a QB stunk up the joint. And what a surprise it was- another Phillip Rivers stinkbomb against a hapless Cleveland. One might have given the man a little credit considering the Sunday conditions related to Hurricane Sandy, but not D99. It is time to acknowledge for the moment that this Chargers team is not an early OR midseason squad known for monster fantasy production. The only thing keeping them respectable is the fact they play in such a terrible division.  The NFC west got their shit together 2 seasons ago. Why is the AFC west still sputtering along? Is it because the Chiefs, Chargers, and Raiders are still peeing their pants like it's cool? Could it be that this division simply represents the worst collective management in the NFL?  In the lead up to Thursday night's game with the Chargers and Chiefs in San Diego, Fire Norv Turner was trending on twitter.  The sentiment carried over into the game even when it turned into a rout.

All of this is to say, that despite a 31-13 blowout, Rivers still managed to throw a pick and keep his fantasy production in the mid teens. If the Chargers are going anywhere this year, defense will have to carry them because their QB now has his switch turned on to the "bitch mode" setting. Phillip Rivers, You're Fucking Out. Take a seat.

In other league news, Larry Turner recorded his first win in a convincing blowout over Stealers Rule, being on the receiving end of fine days from Stafford, Crabtree, and Marshawn Lynch. And although it did help that Stealers started two players on bye, Detroit Larrys could potentially morph into a spoiler team given favorable matchups in the next coming weeks for Stafford against Jacksonville, Minnesota, Green Bay (home), and Indy. He runs into Jew Brees this week, who managed to claw his way back to .500 after a .06 point victory over under dogs which ran all the way down to the final whistle in the Monday night game between the Cardinals and 49ers- a game which, by the way, essentially was a snore fest where the biggest highlight was Randy Moss actually catching some passes (and a TD!).

This week, Butt Munchers and Sucka are going to slug it out, after both put up 100 points in week 8. Unseen draws DESTROY JEW BREES after he slid down into second place following a loss to Munchers. The top end of the standings and the coveted playoff spots are still completely up for grabs among 7 different teams, a situation which is due to shake itself out in the coming weeks. As the November 16 trade deadline approaches, the opportunity to swap currency will soon be coming to a close. Time to either put your chips up or stand pat. It is definitely fair to say that EVERY team could make improvements to maximize their scoring potential

Speaking of the parking space holder, DESTROY JEW BREES still hasn't solved his RB crisis with MJD out, still actin' more ignant than the dudes rhymin on "Bandz A Make Her Dance". And since we're on the topic, is there a whacker rapper makin $$s right now than 2 Chainz? Every verse Unseen hears from this dude sounds like some shit the modern-day "Mr. Bojangles" Soulja Boy wrote BEFORE he did "Crank That" and found some fucking clothes that fit. We ain't even mentioned the fact this dude looks like a damn human condor (the female version), or dresses like your aging hipster uncle who listens to the whack music today's teens are copping just so he could say he's "Up On Shit".

2 Chainz on the way to the studio to record another set of weak-ass bars

One phone just ain't enough...

Pretty sure this shit wouldn't even fly during the 80's...

D99 has a feeling 2 Chainz is going to end up being like all these other busted-ass rappers like Fabolous or Chamillionaire or Bow-Wow who REFUSE to go away into obscurity (where they belong) because the 10-13 year old demographic will continue to buy their shit and keep their careers alive. Sort of like the way DESTROY JEW BREES keeps managing to hang around despite the reality that his squad is the fantasy equivalent of the pink slime McDonald's was mixing into their beef to add weight to their burgers. Unseen bout to get his grub on.


Until Next Week.