Semi Final Reax/Finals Preview

This is architect construction. Who wanna battle the Don? Apollo kids live to spit the real.

Talk of the end of the world has gone out with a whimper as a minor footnote, the only significant piece of evidence of its legacy being an incredibly terrible John Cusack film- doubtful that future history textbooks will even give the topic passing mention. It is now official: not even false Mayan prophecies of the apocalypse can prevent D99 from rightfully claiming fantasy glory.

Unfortunately for Yahoo Public 606206, Unseen's march to the title will not be stopped by the cataclysm

The concluding Week 16 is finally here and the championship round is set as a rematch between D99 and DESTROY JEW BREES. And it's for all the cookies in grandma's cookie jar; all the presents under the Christmas tree; all the marbles in the marble sack; all the chips on the poker table; all the pieces of fruit in the basket; all the pogs and slammers in the stack; all the pokemon in your poke collection, or whatever the fuck have you. It's like machine vs. man, man vs. woman. Woman vs. your mother.  It's gonna be instupituous.

Like a true boss, Unseen feels compelled to mention his personal disappointment with his final foe. DESTROY earned the opportunity for another shellacking mostly due to the fact that Butt Munchers inexplicably replaced his kicker (a kicker, dog?) last week, trading out Minnesota's Blair Walsh (who put up 25 points) for Cleveland's (really?) Phil Dawson (who put up a mere 3 points). Needless to say, if he didn't swap kickers, he would have easily topped the 100 point threshold and soundly defeated DESTROY for a position in the finals against D99. After a very strong regular season as the top scorer in the league, Munchers will be duking it out for 3rd with Nemisis1, who had his title ambitions vaporized by Unseen with the continued help of Adrian Peterson operating on Beast Mode setting.

If ever, one qualified to have accidentally made it to a championship round on the wings of fortunate luck, DESTROY JEW BREES surely fits the bill. As was chronicled in last week's commentary and throughout the campaign, D99 has made no secret about the distortions associated with DESTROY's presence in the playoffs. After last week's victory, his record over the second half of the fantasy season -including playoffs- stands at 3-5, and he has still failed to chart over 100 points. Although he has a good lineup of solid receiving options (B. Marshall, D. Thomas, R. Wayne) DESTROY's squad lacks serious and consistent punch mostly because his top running back selection (MJD) has been sidelined with an injury. Instead, he has been playing Frank Gore and Pierre Thomas. Over the past two weeks, despite the wealth of rb talent on his roster (Peterson, Rice, Charles), Unseen has been snatching up emerging late season backs who have been putting up points (Moreno, D. Williams, D. Wilson)- a deliberate set of defensive maneuvers made to ensure opponents with weak running games like Nemisis1 and DJB aren't handed his crown on the shoulders of a last moment waiver-wire pickup. D99 makes no games of this business. This shit right here is a grown man's sport- ain't no place for accident murderers.

The snowball just keeps rolling downhill and gaining momentum, irregardless of setbacks along the way. Last week served as yet another reminder that Phillip Rivers cannot be trusted, even in proxy, after late season phenom Danario Alexander put up a goose-egg with only three targets against Carolina. Fortunately, plug and play Cincinnati defense came through and delievered on Thursday Night Football as hoped, dropping a solid 23 points. The win was not without drama, however, as Chris Johnson ran for an early 94 yard score in the MNF matchup against a hopeless Jets team. Although they dropped the ball on offense, the Jets D held up in the end (for fantasy purposes, at least). This week, D99 is opting to use the Charger D against 3rd stringer McElroy in New York, anticipating a low scoring offensive matchup featuring two offenses who just can't seem to get their shit together.

Is he crazy for this? Did he just completely disregard his own statements about Rivers in proxy? Or is he mastering the blueprint for defensive use in fantasy football? D99 has already previously demonstrated his prowess on the defensive front. As NFL offenses evolve and trends come and go, adaptation is required in the fantasy game in order to stay ahead of the curve. Not so long ago, the game revolved around workhorse backs, and fantasy seasons could be won and lost solely on the basis of who got one of the first two or three picks in the draft. With the emergence and growing popularity of running back committees, coupled with the evolution of the passing game directly correlated with changes in defensive rules, it is true that the more common NFL offense is now based around use of marquee quarterbacks. It is highly unlikely that a dominant defensive team with combination poor passing/strong running game like the 2000 Ravens will win another Super Bowl any time soon. Consequently, in the fantasy world, it is much more common for QBs to go earlier in drafts, and in the case of this year, even TE's were going in the first/second rounds. Though a top level quarterback like Drew Brees is mos def highly desired, the rarity of workhouse/premier runners like Foster, Peterson, Rice, (and surprisingly) Lynch, and Martin still makes them, by positional comparison, much more valuable an asset for fantasy purposes. It is simply much more common and likely for a QB to score 20 points in a week than it is for a running back. Sacrificing an average of 5-8 points weekly difference at the quarterback position (most likely due to variance as a result in matchup or play conditions) in exchange for 10-12 points at the RB position is an obvious swap any competitor would take. The wild card in the situation is that it is more common for guys like Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Cam Newton, or (now) RGIII to drop high 20's to high 30's than it is for even the top backs in fantasy, especially if their team falls behind early.

Enter the fucking monster of a season Adrian Peterson is putting together (who, by the way, is unquestionably the most valuable player of the NFL this year). Recall that he was taken in the third round after two consecutive RB selections. Then recall the fact that D99 has already elaborated upon the offer he posed to DESTROY JEW BREES in order to solve his Phillip Rivers QB issues. In retrospect, this deal may very well have simultaneously been a season breaker for the Unseen and a season winner for DESTROY if he had taken the offer. Only this week will reveal just how incredibly and ridiculously stupid ignoring the offer was. If All Day puts the nail into the DJB's fantasy coffin with a solid performance against an admittedly insanely difficult Texan run D, he'll only have himself to blame. On the flip side, if Marshall (and Cutler) show up at Arizona, he may be singing a different song, and Drew Brees may or may not dismantle Big D's secondary, which is also in play. Or, in the big picture, will DESTROY JEW BREES be the last of the 2012 sacrifices made to the fantasy football Gods? All of these questions still demand resolution, and leave it up to the championship round to provide it.

Unseen has crafted these jewels in order to more fully and comprehensively depict the DaVinci-like masterpiece of his grand and sweeping statement: Here is your shovel, go ahead and start digging your grave, shark-bait. D99 smelt blood a mile away from day one, and he's done nothing but follow through upon proclamations of his dominance over this here motherfucking jungle. Yal's scent must be so undeveloped that you failed to pick up the markings on the territory. Consequently, if you enter the Tiger's domain, you're gonna be lunch. If you're flying through the Eagle's hood, best believe those feathers gon' get snatched up. If you travel down to the watering hole, don't be surprised to find yourself caught in an alligator's jaws. If you get lost in the tundra, wolves will hunt you down until you get tired of runnin'. If you venture into the cave, a bear's got no choice but to maul you apart. Cross Unseen's path, and you've got no choice but defeat.


Until next week...